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Welcome! My name is Brandi, I'm married to my high school sweetheart and together we are raising a bakers' dozen.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016


I'm in a different season in my life. I find myself worrying about things I never thought would enter my mind. 

Last night was dark... I was wondering, "God where are you? "Cause it feels like you've abandoned me." I fell asleep with tears streaming down my face and the love of my life lulling me to sleep with sweet prayers. 

I felt the difference before my eyes popped open. Even though I may have questioned God and the way He is handling my life right now🙈  He was still gentle with me. I didn't deserve it trust me. 

Do any of us?

The soft light from the sun reminded me of his gentle caress and how much he delights in me, like when the ray of light bounces through the window and you see the dust dancing around us. (It always reminded me of fairy dust as a child) 

As the day carries on he reminded me that He is with me. But what stood out the most was how three times the Lord brought to my heart (in different ways) "be still and know that I am God!" That amazes me! 
Why would God reach through time and touch me right when I need it. 

Undoing me...

Breaking apart all I have ever known and found comfort in, cause it wasn't good for me. Just to show me how wonderful I can be if I let go and let God. What did I ever do to be loved so much by God, why'd He choose me?

I love your word. My soul longs for it and when you speak to me I have no choice but to listen. My heart stops and I look for you. I seek you out like lost pearls. This game of hide and seek You play I enjoy. So I wait. Eyes closed. Feeling you move step by step closer to me. And now as I sit at Your feet I will trust that through all this you still got me; you know me, every detail of my being You know. And you are doing a wonderful work in me that one day I'll look back and say WOW! God really did know what He was doing and He is good cause He is God! He has a plan for me. 

Friday, March 18, 2016

The Love of the Lord

I love how God weaves together his word and guidance to speak faith in us no matter what we are going through. 

"For I am persuaded, neither death, nor life, nor Angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord"- Romans 8:38-39
"Now, soul, is your love not refreshed? Does this scripture not make you love Jesus? Does a flight through the unlimited plains of heavenly love not inflame your heart and compel you to delight yourself in the Lord your God? Surely as we meditate on " the love of the Lord," our hearts burn within us, and we long to love Him more." - C.H. Spurgeon
As I walk through the wilderness and mountains are stacked all around me, I will keep my eyes on you  I know you will move those mountains and bring me out into the promise land. My heart burns for you cause you burn for me. I love you cause you loved me first. 

Fear was setting in. It has been 7 weeks since my husband had a job. i don’t know how we are going to keep our heads above water. How can we keep our house and feed 12 kids (we have 13 our oldest as flown the coop) without a job!
I grabbed the kids bible curriculum and had every one turn to Exodus 13:17-22, When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, “Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt.” But God...led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Isreal went up out of the land of egypt equipped for battle. Moses took the bones of Joseph with him, for Joseph had made the sons of Isreal solemnly swear, saying, God will... surely visit you, and you shall carry up my bones with you from here.” And they moved on from Succoth and encamped at Ethan, on the edge of the wilderness. And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead them along the way, and by night in pillar of fire to give them light, that they might travel by day and night. The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night did not depart from before the people. 
Then it hit me God will never forsake us no matter what the circumstance. He is always guiding us through situations, Day or night He is there leading us even when we can not see the end of the road. Even in this position I am in God is still in control and He will see me through to the promise land. 
So what do I do? I keep preserving. I keep pushing through and doing what God has told me to do all along. Raise my kids to the glory and knowledge of God. To leave a legacy that will further Gods kingdom in love and grace for generations to generations. To provide hope to the perishing and faith to the lost. 
Off course is where I would of found myself. In the stress of right now, I would of stopped pursuing God and started pursuing the worries of life. God comes through in our everyday life to show us His love. To give us peace through gentle whispers of bedtime stories, raindrops and rainbows. These are the moments I want to look back on and say WOW, God truly does love me!

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

A Force to Love

There are days when I just want to quit, throw in the towel. There are days when I dream that putting my kids in school so I can get a job or go back to school myself sounds like a refuge from stress.

If I could do more for myself then life would be perfect. 

The other day I was reading to the kids about a missionary family that's in an unreached people group in Asia. The families living arrangements  was not ideal as you can imagine. No plumbing, no electricity, scarce food and water; fear of death hanging around every corner. 
I realized that when these missionary's sent out request to the church for supplies. The church didn't respond back with discouragement. They didn't ask them "why are you doing this?", "Why are you putting your children through this, you know you don't have too." They didn't ask them what about "socialization." They didn't tell them to pursue something more desirable. They encouraged them and tried to help them to further their mission. 

And why? 

Why do these missionaries even through all the hardship still persevere?

There's a force; a force of love for the lost. A force to give hope to them who are hopeless and fearful.  A force to those who are deteriorating. They have no vision, no purpose. 

If we don't go who will?

As I realized this I started to cry and see my need for repentance. The life God put me in I was being ungrateful for. I was being pulled in the direction of what others thought best instead of rejoicing in the blessings that the Lord has given me.
 My job as a mother is no different than a missionary. Yes I know I have plumbing and healthy eating choices. But as a mother I am always encouraged to pursue my dreams and to even put my children aside to fulfill my dreams. I'm told that in the long run it will be best for them cause I'll be happier. But I need to learn to be happy where I'm at. I need to have that force of love for my children. That force that shakes me up and out of my "it's all about me" state. To know that I may not see the harvest that I sowed. But for me there is no greater joy than to know my children walk in truth. And no education, no job can provide that for me. 

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

A Storm Is Raging

Have you ever had those moments like a storm is raging and you know you need to take refuge in a quiet place to regroup and make a game plan, a plan to save your family from drowning?

That's where I was a few weeks ago.

Watching the storm bellow and wanting to run and hide.
I didn't know how or where to start.
But that afternoon I knew something had to change.
Looking down at all those brown and blue eyes welling up, wet with pain and confusion, cause momma has down right lost it, and we are all pretty sure it's for good this time. 

Then it hit home, straight to the heart.

You need this!

You need this alone time...these moments to fall on your face and cry out to the one who ransomed you.

Listen...listen to the slow and steady beat of his voice saying I made you for this.

In my strength you will rise up and be called blessed. Only through me will your mourning turn to joy. Only when you keep your eyes on me will you find refuge from the storm. 

Leave a comment below sharing how you regroup after the pressures of life have left you weary. 

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

A Heart Uncontained

There's that pull again... That old call to run away. To run from the One that made me; the One that knows my needs before I do. You see me in my gardens; no amount of leaves can hide my shame. 

There's no place I can run that your love won't find me. You see me wherever I hide. You call me out with your whole heart. Singing over me with GRACE and MERCY. 

You don't see my sin, my broken heart. You picked up all the pieces and healed me, every piece of me. You give every part of who you are to make me whole! So I lay down my life at your feet, and here I stay. No more judgement... no more hiding underneath the blanket of SHAME and GUILT. No more shutting who I am in the closet of UNFORGIVENESS.

"You delight in showing mercy and mercy triumphs over judgement"

I am FREE! 

Bought by the blood of the lamb; who has made me white as snow!


Have you ever felt like running and hiding? I would love to hear how God has pulled you out of your hiding places. Leave a comment down below and light up the darkness.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Life In The Spin Cycle

Some days I feel like I’m spinning out of control. The laundry monster has taken over and is ruling every room in the house, dishes are piling up, menus need to be made, groceries need to be bought, bills need to be paid, kids need to be taught, driven to music lessons, karate, and the dentist but most importantly they need my time, patience, grace and love.
Right there, right in the midst of chaos, is when I find myself in a drought.

Waiting for promises to take root and spring forward into a beautiful blessing. Thats when I know I’m dehydrated and need to be quenched in His mercy. When I find myself there, lost and running in circles, that is when I have to remember WHOSE I am.

I am Christ's

Called into His arms of grace. He gives me the reason to go on. He gives me my strength to endure. He gives me the breath I need to rejuvenate my soul. He is the wind beneath my wings so I can soar to greater heights. 

He is mine and I am His! 

Why did i choose to be a stay at home mom?
Why do I homeschool?

My purpose is to raise up arrows for the kingdom of God, men and women that will thirst after Jesus and be infused with His love for others. God calls us to be "a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your true spiritual worship,”-Romans 12:1; Future generations are my why. It’s not easy but God never said this life, no matter what we do, is going to be easy. So I go after my Father. I stay at his feet. I pursue Him with a passion and i won’t let go till It is well with my soul.

Here is a quote, from a letter, by Jim Elliot, a martyr for the faith, he wrote to his mother when telling her he was going to South America to be a missionary.

“I do not wonder that you were saddened at the word of my going to South America. This is nothing else than what the Lord Jesus warned us of when He told the disciples that they must become so infatuated with the kingdom and following Him that all other allegiances must become as though they were not. And he never excluded the family tie. In fact, those loves which we regard as closest, He told us must become as hate in comparison with our desires to uphold His cause. Grieve not, then, if your sons seem to desert you, but rejoice, rather, seeing the will of God done gladly. Remember how the Psalmist described children? He said that they were as an heritage from the Lord, and that every man should be happy who had his quiver full of them. And what is a quiver full of but arrows? And what are arrows for but to shoot? So, with the strong arms of prayer, draw the bowstring back and let the arrows fly–all of them, straight at the Enemy’s hosts."

So the next time you feel like your world is spinning out of control remember two things WHOSE you are and who you are.