The power to change

 So I was thinking about a question I was asked awhile ago.

 If I was able to change anything in my past would I?

My first reaction was “oh yes, there are some things I would definitely do different.”

But then I felt God moving through my heart. 

There are some mistakes I have made.

 

There are some incidence I would like to be erased. 

There are some obvious mistakes that I know others have thought I made.  

But then I thought of my oldest and then my second oldest, both born out of wedlock. 

Yes being easily willing to give my heart away to anyone that was asking is definitely something I would want to change. 

I do wish I would have protected myself more. 

Then I thought they would not be here and without them I would not be who I am today. 

So my answer to that question is 

no, I would not change ANYTHING in my past.

I would not change the love I gave hoping in return to receive the same love back. 

I loved passionately even when the one I was loving was “not feeling it.” 

I reached inside my heart and became what that person I loved needed at that time.  

Yes it hurt. 

Yes I was rejected....but it felt good too; It felt good to love someone when they didn’t feel lovable.

I would never want to change that moment when I saw my love push through their hate. 

To see freshness in their eyes; a sort of freedom to be you and still be loved. 

No matter how much pain I felt it was overcame by  the washing of acceptance. 

I would not change the hurt, the rejection, the battles. 

I would take them in with all the love, 

the support

&& peace that I have had as well. 

Without all I have experienced I would not be me. 

The good and the bad. 

Which if you think about it wasn't really bad it just seemed that way at the time. 

I could let the bitterness and pain over take me if I chose but I choose to be stronger than my pain. 

I choose to push through that bitterness and help others to love instead of joining the hate.